The Next President

Well, who is going to be the next President? It is still a little early to postulate but I did think long and hard about this and came up with 3 very strong contenders. It was a long and arduous task. I also thought deeply about what platforms are really important to the American people and not the obvious ones you hear about in the news like health care and social security. What do the people really think about before choosing the next president? What qualities are important? Well I am sure once you review this you will reach the same conclusion I did.

My first step was difficult. Who are the real leading candidates? Do you believe every bias poll that comes out or do you conduct your own? What about people who have not yet entered the race but may later become favorites? As you can see this list can be expansive and time consuming so I decided to use science and logic. I decided that the next president would have to have a first name of Al . Now please don't scoff at this, you have to start somewhere and this was a logical step. I couldn't of picked a name like Hillary because with the exception of Hillary Clinton I never heard of anyone else with that name except some mountain climber from ages ago where Hillary may of been his first name or second. I also could not pick a common name like John because the field would of been too big. You see how difficult this can be, so Al is a logical choice, not to common , not to rare, perfect for the next president.

The process became a little easier after that. Once Al was the name, I choose the three leading Al's who people are talking about as the next president. Al Franken, (Weird)Al Yankovic and Al Gore. It may seem obvious to you but I was a little surprised to hear Al Gore's name. Isn't he tired of all this politics? Didn't he run once, twice? Didn't he win once before? Was he actually a President already? Vice president? The other two did not surprise me but how would they stand up to the important issues? I listed the top issues people really think about before they vote and gave each candidate a rating of 1 being the best to 10 being the worst. I then summarized the results and the person with the lowest ranking would be the next president! You can see how scientific this is. I also admit I was surprised by the results.


1) In a fight could you take him? Yankovic 3, Gore 4, and Franken 10.
The edge goes to Yankovic being weird and all.

2) Would you let him date your sister?
(assuming you like your sister) Gore 7, Franken 10 and Yankovic 11.
The weird part hurt Yankovic on this one.

3) If you met him in person would he smell bad? Gore 1, Franken 6 and Yankovic 10.5
A critical issue, Gore's clean cut looks help a lot.

4) Footrace, 40 yards, could you bet him? Yankovic 2, Gore 4, and Franken 6.
Franken is getting smoked, obvious needs more macho image.

5) Did all his math homework? Yankovic and Franken both get a 1, Gore gets a 2.
Tough issue can help or hurt a candidate.

6) China attacks, would he hide under the desk? Yankovic 1, Gore 2 and Franken 10.
Yankovic would probably attack first.

7) Can name 4 countries near Iraq without cheating? Franken 1, Gore 2 and Yankovic 10.
Some call this question unfair, the edge goes to the Jew with the more Jewish name.

8) If he lent you 5 bucks would he keep asking for it? Yankovic 1, Gore 2 and Franken 10.
Weird helps on this one, being Jewish doesn't.

9) Is his summerhouse by you and would it
screw up the traffic? Gore 1, Franken 5 and Jankovic 1o.
This is just a guess of who is wealthier.

10) Can you look at him for longer than 5 minutes
without choking on something? Gore 1, Franken 6 and Yankovic 8.
If he is the president his face will be around a lot.



Total Gore 28, Yankovic 56.5 and Franken 57.


Wow! It really makes sense when you think about it and look at the science I employed. The next president of The United States, AL Gore!